For the month of July, I knew that I needed to make space for myself. I had a couple of vacations planned, and my kids’ schedules were just busier for the month. I wanted to take what I could off my plate to help me feel more in balance. I stopped writing for the month and took off social media posting. You may have noticed the quiet echoing on my pages.
As we roll into a new month, what I’ve realized in the quiet, is that I need more…..quiet. Part of this realization is just the reality of my life right now. Last week, my husband tested positive for COVID after being fully vaccinated. We have avoided this situation for 18 months, but here we are. I am quarantining with my four kids as my hubby recovers. This has been no easy task. I feel challenged on many aspects of the powerlessness of the situation, on top of the craze of four kids. And let me tell you, there is A LOT of craze.
This week I went for a walk, and I thought about what to do for this month with getting back to writing and posting again. This thought felt heavy. This is a pressure I only put on myself to be a public figure promoting body acceptance and self-love. But it is one that I am so very passionate about.
What I started feeling pulled towards was take more space. I had a part of me that was fighting that. My pattern can be to start and stop things and not return to them. I thought to myself, how many women, myself included, just override their nudges. Override their intuition of what they know they need, but do the opposite anyway. In writing this, it is part of my intention to extend the grace to take what you know you need to do for yourself and remind myself of that very thing-grace.
As moms, we are always giving. It comes with the job title. But what we forget is how to give to ourselves. We forget that there are seasons of giving, seasons of receiving, and seasons of rest. We are not meant to give all of the time, yet to some extent, that is what we do. I know that I am not the only working mom out there who is passionate about her work. There are many of you out there who inspire me every day. But what I think we are all searching for, I know I am searching for, is to find that sweet balance of how to give at home, give at work, and to all of those who are in our lives and still have something left for yourself. The something left can’t be scraps or drops of what is left, but life energy that you can feel nourished by.
What I am learning is that finding this balance takes intention. The balance changes as the seasons of motherhood I’ve been in change. As the season of my work change. The fact is, I’ve never been in a more passionate place about my work. The study I am in about trauma and the way it impacts the body, learning about the spiritual aspect of the body and how it all correlates how we, as women, honor our body and get into the traps of punishment, disrespect, and living so outside of our bodies we can’t even be aware of the wonders that our body holds! I finally feel that I have all the pieces of the puzzle in front of me, and I am learning how they all go together—the spiritual self, intuitive eating, understanding the impacts of the body. There is no “surfacesness” or one layer involved. It is deep. There are so many layers involved.
But all of that will come when it is ready. What I need right now is more quiet. More space. More receiving of self-care, in a way that I finally see how to give to myself. I hope you are giving yourself what you need right now, no matter what season you are in. Just remember there are, in fact, seasons-not just one. And that each season holds gifts that allow you to discover more about yourself.
